I love the Fourth of July. Independence Day. 4 July 1776, the day the ink dried on a piece of parchment written by a group of incredibly intelligent, cranky colonial ancestors basically telling the British Crown that they'd had quite enough, and were not going to have any more to do with Britain. From that point on, the land of convicts and rejects sallied forth to become something new. They played dirty, taking in criminals, British deserters, slaves,natives(who couldn't win either way)- anyone and everyone who could fight. Surprisingly enough, they managed to carry the war on long enough to make it unworthwhile for the British. So on the 3d of September 1783 the Treaty of Paris was signed, and the Brits were gone by December. Maybe that's the Real Independence Day. Technically, we were first recognized as being independent at that time. I love this day because of its history. Not because of the burgers and hotdogs, fireworks, parks, backyard parties, family get-togethers, and True Americanism that only comes around once a year. No. Not for me. It is the history of the Fight that is fascinating.

Most Americans don't consider the fact that MAYBE half of the colonists considered themselves patriots. A good 20% of the colonists were loyal to Britain, and somewhere around 30% wanted to be neutral. We don't seem to consider that when we chug our beers gazing up at the fireworks and think about what we learned in 5th grade history about George Washington. We seem to think that it was more like 90% patriot, 8% neutral, and 2% loyalist. But history is NEVER that clean cut, especially wars and causes. And this took place during an absolutely beautiful time in history. The culture was brilliant, the people were passionate and witty- half the time too smart for their own good.

This wasn't a good holiday for me though. I'll just put that out there. I'm in a community band, and today I played SO poorly. Furthermore, I went to see some fireworks with my friends last night in a packed park. Some of my classmates managed to find me in the darkness. I'm fine with glancing "hi"s, but a few wanted life updates. What do I say to something like that? I mean, I filled them in, then asked about them, but NEITHER of us really cared. Why would you? We weren't friends. One of them hadn't even acknowledged my existence while we were on the same volleyball team for 3 years. I think I wouldn't mind if it weren't for the awkward silence that inevitably follows. I couldn't even pretend to be going off somewhere. I'm no good at small talk, I just wish they'd find someone better to be civil to.
My parents and brother went North to our cabin to enjoy the fireworks on the lake. I know it will be beautiful. Unfortunately, I had to stay back to play that unfortunate concert. I feel kind of trapped. Like I'm not in control of my life, even though I know I am. I feel like my mind isn't put together correctly for this world, or maybe simply this time.